It can be pretty infuriating at times! Everywhere you go, you either hear of ‘’two mushy people displaying love hopelessly, crazily and irrevocably’’ else ‘’two people who have broken up after a dirty fight’’!! The surprising fact here is that in more than a single scenario, we all know the girl’s side of the story. Apart from their pack, does anybody care to know about the boy? We curse the boy (they have their faults) and side with the girls’ pain in most cases. But hardly we try to understand the male psychology after a breakup (they are macho, they down drinks and handle themselves)!!
But is that always true? At a personal level, many of us may have seen males who have gone into a shell after their breakup. But we did not care much – the girl was hurt.
An independent survey from Binghampton University depicts that – men, after a breakup, indulge in ‘destructive behaviors.’ This somewhat asserts the fact that psychologists have been stating for a long time – “Women break up harder, but men break up longer.’’
Why wait? Let’s try comprehending the emotions of the ‘stronger sex’
What is male psychology after a breakup?
To understand male psychology after a breakup, one first needs to stick to the adage – ‘Never judge a book by its cover.’ A man may look very tough from the outside, carrying out his regular activities – standing true to the ideal of a strong man. But within, he might be broken into shards – with minimal hope of an average recovery. The scar remains – but none gets to see it.
Under such circumstances – they mostly exhibit specific behavioral patterns. What are they?
#1. Developing an Avoiding Psyche
To communicate less, avoid a particular topic, start the blame game – you name it, they display it!
When a man bottles up his emotions, it is seen to be quite normal since they have been conditioned to remain such. But male psychology after a breakup works excessively fast to avoid sensitive topics or those that may have him express his emotions. Apparently, they tend to become excessively independent and self-sufficient while silently suffering within.
Also, it has been noted that whenever topics that are sensitive to him are taken up for a conversation, they seem to ignore them completely. When they know they will not be able to control the discussion, they simply avoid having one.
Lastly – they resort to the blame game. “She was excessively needy,”/ “She was a crybaby,”/ “She did not prioritize me,” – are some of the most common complaints that one gets to hear from them.
Thus, one may state that after a man breaks up, he just tries to dust it under the mat. The fact that one needs to have a chat to help move on does not really occur to him. It’s done – let’s move on. Not at all a healthy trait!
#2. Resorting to destructive behavior
This is textbook broken-hearted Romeo-like behavior. Ask any therapist about male psychology after a breakup; this is one of the key factors that he or she will state. Whether it is resorting to self-violence, heavy drinking, not caring about the world, or stalking their ex on different platforms – men post-breakup have done it all!!
If we follow the traditional understanding, their sudden loss of control makes them take such steps. They suddenly feel needy and want an outlet for their emotions. When they do not get one – they resort to this kind of toxic behavior.
#3. Developing massive trust issues
It is very common to develop trust issues when your heart gets broken. For both genders, it becomes challenging to deal with it. But talking specifically about men here – they simply stop communicating and almost allow trust issues to develop. They seem to recoil from the world, taking everyone as enemies as if trying to build a bridge between themselves and others.
Naturally – when this happens, they are left lonely, alone with their feelings. In that scenario, dealing with those feelings becomes tougher. Whether it is their hibernation mode or their complete distrust in anyone related to the opposite gender (at times, even the same gender) – the male psychology after a breakup, believes in segregating themselves from the world.
#4. Rebound attitude
They get new dates and girlfriends just in a jiffy!! This is primarily because he does not want to deal with his feelings at that moment. This goes on, and one sees that he never, in the long run, wishes to deal with his feelings, resulting in a fractured psyche affecting his future relationships.
Surprisingly, these rebounds are mostly for an ego boost or for ‘showing off’ to an ex that he has ‘moved on.’ These hollow relationships inflate his pride but does nothing to save his future. Seeking out such rebounds and flings (which they do almost always) is harmful in the long run.
#5. Just Moving on
It is good to move on – but simply moving on with time and not healing – that’s not the healthiest behavior – something that the male psychology after a breakup often follows. They move on because the world almost forces them to, but they do not undergo self-healing, which is why they hurt others. The concept of toxic male behavior emerges from here.
For them – it is crucial to show the world that a mere breakup has not been able to down their morale. They are still as strong as they were; all of it (the relationship) was just part of life.
Do they need help?
Since you are still scrolling down, we hope you have tried understanding some facets of male psychology after a breakup. You may have a query now – do they need help? Yes, as much as females do, at times, even more!
Unfortunately, in a male-dominated society, a man lacks breathing space in an emotional set-up. Women are portrayed as nourishing individuals whose emotions run high. They can cry their hearts out and bawl without a care in the world – because they have been tagged as the ‘weaker sex.’
A man must react with stoic silence in the same situation. Outbursts of emotions are not traditional to him. Even if society wants to change, the conditions are not yet accommodating.
In such a condition, for a man to ask for help is ‘unmanly.’ Therefore – we have to understand that men also need help. They might not ask for help openly, but if you come across a man suffering silently, try to help him cross this bridge with care.
How can you help them?
To start off – try understanding the male psychology after a breakup. Listen to his side of the story (minus the judgments and notions). If you are mentally prepared, then give him a chance to vent his emotions.
Men are conditioned socially and domestically to bottle up their feelings since expression, in this case, becomes a female asset of sorts. Hence – allow the man to speak. Lend him your good ear and patience.
Ask him to work on himself. There are times a man is not ready to accept his mistakes. Some studies depicting male psychology after a breakup show that they become excessively defensive about their attitude. Instead of introspecting – they likely become toxic. If you find that to be the case, it is best to allow him some time for himself. Try to point out his mistakes gently and help him work on himself to improve.
# It has been seen that women who have male friends who have faced a breakup – try to set them up dates. Steer clear from this. Healing is important. Whatever the reason, allow the man some time for himself before pushing him into the dating pool.
Change is the only constant
A breakup is never easy – whatever might have been the span of the relationship. A man is also as affected as a woman (if they are seriously in love with each other). Hopefully, this write-up dealing with male psychology after a breakup could help you process the impact of this ending on the stronger sex.
We hope that – if you have some near and dear one trying to deal with such a scenario, you can help him during these challenging times. If you have something more to share – leave your comments on this page.
Monalisa Mukherjee is a content writer and copywriter with close to 3 years of experience. She has written for websites like Biography Talk, Contour Cafe, He And She Fitness and Fiction Pad. She is currently associated with a noted Digital Marketing Agency and specialises in writing articles for travel, entertainment, cooking, celeb, lifestyle, tech, health, fashion and film news.